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Trueeevil Dying

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Joined: 25 Apr 2008
Posts: 227

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 1:40 pm    Post subject: Trueeevil Dying Reply with quote

As you probably know, Trueeevil died, apparently of suicide and apparently because his girlfriend broke up with him. He was one of the only people here I could actually hold a conversation with and I would talk to him pretty much everyday, topics ranging from magic to basketball to his weight (around 100 pounds).

He was one of the smartest people here, scoring a 2300 on his SATS, and was quiet, funny and nice. He's been one of my friends here since he first joined; I remember talking about a list in #jajaja and he PM'd me asking for the list, and out of this, we became great friends. In the beginning, he was a bad player, and I remember him telling me about his first tournament where he used Kithkins. I remember him having a sub 1600 limited and constructed rating. But he got much better, and became a very good player. He loved creating his own odd decks, which you could find in a few of the standard tournies he played in. In fact, his rating was once 1799.

He was also an active gamer, especially loving counterstrike and is "famous" around here for his high 10's and such. I talked to him pretty much everyday, and I wondered where he was yesterday, as he was always on from 7-10.

Apparently his death was a suicide, which makes it more sad, that it could have been prevented so easily. I will be honest, after initially reading about his death, I was in shock for about 15 minutes, until it hit me that he was gone, and I cried for about an hour.

He was only 17, and it really showed me my own mortality and the value of life.

R.I.P. Trueeevil, you will be missed.
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Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Posts: 97

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 1:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't want to post anything about this, but I just wanted to correct something. He did not kill himself because his girlfriend broke up with him, this I know for sure. I don't know exactly why he did, and I do think it had at least some relation to his girlfriend, but they were still very much together til the end.
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Joined: 25 Sep 2008
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PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 1:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All I can think to say is RIP you will be missed
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Joined: 12 Apr 2005
Posts: 1840

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 2:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So sad, also craze if your reading this maybe you should have a little think about some of the things you said in your last rant.
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Joined: 20 Jul 2008
Posts: 43

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He was such a cool guy, I barely knew him but I remember one time I asked in #m-l if anyone watched mlg and he started a channel and me and him just talked about halo and mlg for hours while we watched the event and I had never talked to him previously. So few people on ml are so friendly and his passing is incredibly depressing.
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Joined: 21 Dec 2007
Posts: 159

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 3:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That is very cruel what you are saying there Trotsky, you cant put the burden of his suicide on anyone shoulders, not for a online rant or anything else done in life.
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Joined: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 5676
Location: Indiana, U

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 9:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Trotsky1 wrote:
So sad, also craze if your reading this maybe you should have a little think about some of the things you said in your last rant.

True was someone I considered as a friend on Magic-League. I always got along with him and thats saying something for me. I consider this a massive loss for all of us individually as well as together.

However my stance on suicide isn't changing. It's weak and stupid and pathetic. My good friend killed himself, he acted like everything was fine and walked into the next room and killed himself. I still have no clue why. I don't apologize for what I said on my last rant.

I will miss true a whole lot.

And ZW, I admit after this thread I have gained a whole lot of respect for you.
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Joined: 11 Sep 2007
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PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 10:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

RIP trueevil.
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Joined: 20 Apr 2008
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 10:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't know trueeevil all that well. But he was great at Magic and a cool guy to chat with, and the world's a little bit worse for his passing.

RIP, man.
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Joined: 18 Aug 2008
Posts: 18

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

whitebread wrote:
He had found out his Girlfriends parents were abusing her. He wanted to run off to vegas with her to get away from it all. Some how his parents found out and stopped it all from happening.

I knew JP in real life...
I think its really damn obnoxious to make fun of him like this...
He and his girlfriend broke up and got back together several times.. so thats probably not the reason... I havnt talked to him a whole lot recently, but when i did he always acted normal. Anyways, he was about my only connection in ML.... I have about 0 friends who play magic now, and i think some of these comments are really mean... He was a great guy...
Thats all.
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Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 88

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2009 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

rest in peace /me takes 1 minute of silence
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Joined: 07 May 2009
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a lot to say about this because I was friends with trueeevil (JP) in real life. I would like to start off with some good moments we had together.

I've known him for about five years and its really weird to never be able to talk to him again.

I had two classes with him last year and we used to have the best conversations when we sat together in math class. We both played magic so we could instantly hold conversations about a range of topics. I would always run off my deck ideas with him and he would always say "terrible, terrible" but in a joking and cool way. Yes, my lists were always crappy and his were always superior. I knew that I would make a great deck list when he praised it because his praise would mean a lot. We would also use the TI-83 calculator and play magic that way. JP was an adept programmer and was able to make a program so we could play mental magic together. It was pretty neat. Basically, you start the program and you would choose the colors. Then, it would generate random numbers between 1-6 and you could play a spell with a casting cost of that number. It was pretty cool but he would always win because he knew more cards than me because I was just familiar with type 2. This was always fun and I start to cry when I look through old notes with his hand writing changing my deck lists.

I think was one of the best moments that year was when he found out that I was Mushmellow. How it happened was I was running my distant melody, elfball deck off of him and he called my list “terrible” as usual. And he would always give me this stare like I was stupid which I really liked. His only really praise of my work came in this moment. Basically how it went down was he was like. Well, if you want to play elfball you have to do it like this: “You want to play Platinum Angel and then loop Primal Commands ftw, that’s the better way to do it.” I thought this was really funny because the night before I posted online about using platinum angel and looping primals under my screen name of Mushmellow. The list I gave him in class that day was a mono green list and was not the version I posted online. I asked him where he found that out and he said online. I asked him where and he said This was before I knew he used it and I told him I came up with that idea. He was like no you did not it was someone else. Then I retorted, “JP, I am Mushmellow!!!” And then, he was like “epic fail… your ideas are so bad.” So as many of you know, I used to post like tons of decks online which were just ideas that came into my head and see what people thought of them. I would really look foreward to when JP would comment on my posts and say stuff like “brent.. stop trolling” and “brent this idea sux.” JP and I always had something to talk about because we had a deep interest in the same hobbies.

He was also in chem. with me and I vividly remember last year when he took the first test of chem. h. It was a really hard class and everyone was super stressing about the exam because it was like the important class of sophomore year. So how it goes down is JP (who has incredible mental abilities) takes the test and leaves 30 minutes early. Everyone is freaking out because they are still less than halfway through and is struggling with the test. And then I was like thinking, as I saw him walk out of the room. OMFG. Fricking genious. Wtf. Then later when we got the test back I saw that he got a C. I was thinking that was completely badass. Well, his grades in school might not have been the best but he was really smart. He pwned SAT problems so hard and had deckbuilding skills and math quickness that I would dream to have. JP was a very witty and intelligent kid.

I did not have any classes with him this year but we occasionally would talk and play magic together. I would see him hanging out with his girlfriend a lot and we kept in touch. I never really talked with him that much about personal stuff but we were friends. I was completely shocked when I found out what happened. It really shook up our entire school. Most of us never knew that he had any sort of deep problems that would lead to such a tragic end to his life. I always knew he was slightly emo but I thought it was just part of his façade to look cool and get girls and stuff. It still remains a mystery to me what was going through his mind at the last moments of his life and what events would have lead him to take such drastic measures as to end his whole life.

Tuesday May 5th, 2009 was a terrible experience for me and everyone at my school. The day started off with me having to get up early to take Spanish AP language exam. The weekend earlier I broke my toe in the most unfortunate accident (basically it was really terrible accident in which I was playing badminton at a very bad gym that was not designed for the sport with my school team. The block of bleachers was very close too the back line and so normally you have more room. What I did was I was jumping back to hit the bird as normal but when I came down my toe hit the bleachers and all my weight (momentum going backward and down from my jump) went into my toe. It pushed my toe back and twisted my knee and my ankle. I screamed out in pain really loud and the whole gym went quite. Then I let out a slew of expletives and was in a lot of pain. Today, I found out that I am going to need surgery on my left big toe to remove the piece of bone and re-attach the tendon onto my foot so my toe can move again.) So basically, that’s why I have crutches which is sort of off topic but I am just writing what is coming to my mind following the flow of my thought; in an attempt to understand the blur the last few days of my life has been.

Well, basically I took the Spanish AP exam. (Note: Fuck collegeboard for making all the people on the listening section having fucking LISPS. Its soo hard to concentrate and not get angry during the exam.) Well, anyways I finished the stressful ordeal of the AP test and moved on to my next class, after lunch. There had been an emergency meeting called for all teachers during lunch and there were police at the meeting too. At the end of G period (the last period of the day), our teacher read our class a note (all the teachers had to do this). It informed us that a student had been killed at the train tracks adjacent to our school. The whole classroom was quiet. The world stood still. Everyone was completely shocked. For legal reasons, they teachers could not tell us the name of the student. Everyone was frantically searching there minds for people who were missing. Was it my friend? No it could not be. It would have to be someone no one knew. But then we started getting worried. What if it was one of our closest friends. No matter who it was it was one of our classmates, a member of our school, part of our tribe, someone we could all relate too, someone facing the same stresses of adolescence, AP classes, crazy parents, SATs, bad classes, lack of sleep. It was someone we could relate too.

Then, we had ten minutes left of that class period and we started talking about who it could be. One of my friends told me that JP had some emo status on his facebook last night. Then, he said “no it could not be JP. Not JP. Its just a bad hunch. JP would never do that. He was completely fine.” This triggered my recall of my last time reading JPs status on Monday night. I was on facebook but did not have time to chat with my friends because I was stressed out doing hw and studying for Spanish Ap (in retrospect, this is all negligible to the amount of gravity losing a friend is). I noticed JP’s status was “Life is silly and not worth living” or something along the lines of that. Also, I noticed he deleted his profile picture. I was going to chew him out for joking around with emo shit on his status and ask him why he was deleting his pics. I did not msg him because I was too busy. Now it torments me, I could have done something to stop him. I could have helped. If I only talked to him.

So we were worried that it might be JP but we could not believe it was him. The school blocked facebook so no one could get on it to find out what was up but rumors spread by word of mouth. People knew which classes that the student who commited suicide had. And they said it was a junior asian male (which does not really narrow it down at my school). But then every class matched JPs classes. I started getting really worried. I kept saying to myself not JP, not JP. Then, I was talking to my friend Sujay about how we would see JP soon when he got out of the AP Stat exam. I told Sujay, when I see JP, I am going to run over and slap him and give him a hug and say “we thought it was you!!” And I would be so relieved when I saw his face. Then, I imagined JP would give me one of those stares and say like “You thought I was the person who committed suicide. Wow guys. Commit suicide? That’s epic fail.” Then I would feel alright but still sad just at least it would not be JP. But then he never came out of the Stat AP exam.

I was a nervous wreck on the way home. I started crying when I crossed the train tracks. It was terrible. I was saying no it can’t be JP. Not JP. I needed to find out. Who? Who will leave us forever. I got home, used my stupid crutches to get over to the computer as fast as possible and log onto facebook. I was relieved because I would go to his profile and see him and maybe msg him. Then I could not search his name. I typed J.P. and nothing popped up. I was getting very worried. Why can’t I find him. Why can’t I find him? Then I went to his girlfriends facebook and she only had 2 pictures of herself. The day before she had tons of pictures with her and JP tagged in them together. Why is he missing? Why is he gone. I went to my message I was having with him discussing one of my “mellow” ideas (basically it was a very shitty traumatize pyrrhic revival lark combo). He was dissing it as usual and making good improvements and trying to bring me into a reality check as usual and tell me that fragile combos that involve all the cards in your deck and 16 one drops and extractor demon are bad. I read through the message but I could not click on his name. It was black. Gone. And his profile picture was gone. I was getting really worried. Frantically I messaged all my friends and they confirmed the grim truth. It was JP. He did it. Why?

I broke down into tears. It was so painful. I have never experience a loss like this and it was completely strange. I felt physical pain with each tear. It felt like the world was spinning and everything was fake. Like a terrible dream and I would wake up and log onto mIRC and msg JP and playtest t2 with him. But every time I cried I got really worked up. Frantic. Not wanting to accept that it was him. But I knew I was not in a dream because everytime I got really stressed out and worried my big toe (the broken one) would have a muscle contraction and it would snap me out of my reverie because the tendon tried to move when it was not attached. It was terrible. A nightmare.

I still could not believe it was JP even though all the evidence was pointing in that direction. His absence at school, his deleted fb, his suicidal status, his girlfriend missing at school, his younger sister broken down into tears, everyone telling me it was him. I logged onto ml and check latest tournaments. I jumped when I saw trueeevil tcing the last tournament. Then I checked the date. 5/4/09 at 11 clock ish. No. Then I went to his rating to check the last games he played :

And started panicking again when I found out that his last game was at 12 oclock pm. How can he go from the normal routine of playing some late night mws to 8 hours running into an oncoming train. What if he wanted to change his mind at the last second? What if it was a mistake? What if he was just trapped and thought there was no other way out? It makes me shake in agony. Because it could have been different.

The last time we talked in person was when we were passing in the halls. He said that I should go to regionals and I asked him when it was. And then I told him that I had to be at badminton practice and stuff and I probably could not go. But, how could he go from planning into the future to abruptly choosing to cease to exist? Did he want me to go to regionals alone? He was not an evil person despite his sn. Trueeevil is not really evil. He did not purposely cause pain to the whole community. He would not have wanted that. I believe that he was swamped and caged in with internal struggles that clouded his view of reality. What these struggles were we will never find out. It is a mystery that never can be solved. I still want to check the latest tournaments and see him TCing but I know this can never be. JP is gone. Trueeevil is gone. I will never get called a noob by JP ever again. I will never be able to get beat by his Swans list every again. I will never be able to lose against his fairies list ever again. I will never see him at school ever again. I will never be able to talk with him ever again. I will never be able to go to regionals with him. I can never see him in any of his classes. There will always be that empty desk that is longing to be filled.

JP always said he was a better player than me. But then I argued that true deckbuilding happens in drafts. So, theoretically if you draft an infinite number of times the person who has more wins will be the better player because the Law of Large Numbers will eradicate any luck of the draw or opening the packs because infinite drafts will take place. Well, anyways, we drafted a while back with some friends and I went 6-0. Completely dominating. JP was incredulous just saying that I got lucky. Its true. I did. I had noobs passing me all the rares for my colors. I had crazy elemental deck with tons of removal and Ashling the Pilgrim and multiple fertalids and stuff. So it was rare-pic draft so at the end I ended up netting a Thougtseize, Mistbind Clique, and Colefernor’s plans. When Puca’s Mishchief came out I made a joke to JP and said that now the last pick at the draft the Colefernors plans value will go up because of the Puca, plans combo. He told me that it would not because it was “terrible terrible.” ☺ Mushmellow and his damn ideas. Yes, there always bad but one of them might be good.

JP always liked to play fay and pre-fallout he was very successful with fay. I always could not play fay because I was too impatient for the mirror match and preferred playing agro which I did not need to think that much for. JP was a genious and was able to pilot fairies very well. He actually had the list of real fay cards in real life. So, yesterday in rembrance of JP. I put all the cards from UB faeries in my wallet. That includes 1/6 of the cards in the maindeck. My 4 Bitterblossoms, and the one mistbind clique and thoughtseize. Now that part will always be with me. JP might not be able to play me but I can always look at the decklists he played and the posts he made. Please moderators don’t delete his account or erase any of his decks that he played. And also, CMA-Flippi don’t delete this post. I will never troll forums again. I think this is just really important for me to get over the loss of my friend.

Yesterday, (actually 2 days ago since right now its Friday 12:19am, I have been typing nonstop for a long time now) everyone wore black to school. The night before I put out my black clothes so I would not forget. The ride to school was terrible. Every where I looked people were dressed in black. The students waiting at the bus stops were all were black. It was terrible. It was like a bad dream. I got closer to the tracks again near my school and it was so painful. As we passed I looked down into the vanishing point of the tracks and thought what a scary way to die. Then I remember seeing JP under the yellow tarp in the news a good distance away from the gates. What was it like? How could he followed through with that? Did he change his mind and then it was too late? I imagine his facial expression before the point of impact. His eyes cloudy, his perspective blurred. I want to reach out and grab him from the fucking Caltrain and lay on the ground and watch it zoom by unharmed. I want to go back in time and jump in front of the train and defy the laws of physics and push it too a stop. And save him. His forehead sweaty and his expression scared. And help him come back to life. I want to figure out a way to bring him back. No one could operate the day we found out. All of my friends normally engaged in homework like studious students could not do homework. We were so confused and shocked and could only cry. It could not be JP. Its not JP.

When I got to school I got out of my car and looked out. Not wanting to cry in the car with my mom I got out quickly and hobbled away. I did not no how painful it would be. Someone had scattered rose petal around the school and they followed me wherever I walked. It was a terrible day. And as time went on my emotions got more stifled. I stopped crying now. I just feel numb. Like it has not hit me yet. Like it did not happen like this is a dream.

I really want to say JP back at school. I want to see him back. We want our friend JP back. We want trueeevil back!

And this is how it ends. I sit here at my computer. Typage of almost 3500 words. And I feel immune to pain. I have read the posts of the eye-witnesses. I know a lot of the people affected. At school everyone is crying in class and its contagious. Certain things trigger memories which make people have diverse reactions.

People are real people. Mushmellow is me. Trueeevil is JP. I am existing. JP is gone. It is such an abrupt change. For one day, one second, one instant. For everything to change. I really thought it was neat reading on the paloaltodaily sight how some magic-leaguers posted. I think its important that everyone who knew him the slightest bit lets out there emotions and feelings.

On the other hand, I was at first apprehensive about starting a forum about his death. I thought people would be in disbelief and think it was trolling. But I AM SICKENED BY THE RESPONSES PEOPLE HAVE PUT ON THE INTERNET ABOUT HIS DEATH. These sick and perverse trolls think its funny to joke about serious subjects. I know this won’t happen hear. This is not a subject that can be flamed like “Elfball in T2: Metabreaker!!!” This is not a joke. This is real life. People have on the internet said some completely uncalled for things. But at my school one student decided that he had the write for “free speech.” He said some comments that were the epitome of hate and disgust about JPs death. He called upon all the evils of the world and put them in a loathsome sentence. This is not what our community needs. He was hunted down at school by a group of 10 guys and brought to the dean who abruptly took care of him. I don’t want to repeat his exact words but they were worthy of him being locked up forever. I hope he gets more than a suspension. I hope that he gets expelled and rescinded from every college he got into as a senior. He deserves to be shunned by society and put away some place where he can’t hurt anyone. These negative attention whores like this fucked up kid who think it is something to “practice free speech” needs to get away from this world.

JP was not selfish. He was mislead. His view was clouded by internal issues. He did not mean to cause us this pain. He was not selfish. He was a nice teenager and a good friend. He was a inspiring innovator and a witty magic player.

May he rest in peace.

~Brent aka Mushmellow

p.s. Some other things that made me cry really hard was imagining his last games with people. JedD do you have the game log of you playing JP in his last game when he was playing Esper Lark. If you could post it that would be great. On facebook many of my classmates put videos of JP in old projects and stuff and hearing his voice is really soothing. Its like he is still there. Living in our memories. He will live in our hearts forever.

We will miss you trueeevil. I want you back so we can chat about decks like the old times. I just want to play one last game with you. I wanted to say goodbye.
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 2:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

During a funeral I attended...My dad said something that I believe...For people who don't have anwsers to what they know, to look at it a different way.

I am a very spiritual person, even though I come off to some as an ****, pervert, etc... Just because I've lost too many people and saw that, life isn't worth living without a little bit of abnoxiousness.

Anyways, what he said was. "We as people are human beings. In our current life we are human, our bodies being material..We feel, we experience, we live. When we die, that is when we are then the being. A spiritual entity to live again in another life, to fully continue out our path in the divine story."

I doubt many people would see the same way I do, that's cool, I'm not trying to push nothing. When I found out thursday morning he died, the first thing I did was cry...Infront of my friends and family...I just couldn't help it.

I didn't know him irl, but I really wish I did. He was a cool dude...And I just wonder why his path in the human world just had to end early.

It's an unfair occurance...Bit of me wants to know the reason of it, the other bit of me doesn't...

I think it's weird I feel this way about someone over the internet...But I guess when you talk to them a lot, it's just one of those build some sort of mutal feeling.

Those who didn't know him, you missed out on probably one of the coolest dudes in magic the gathering history, if not, one of the coolest people this world had to offer.

May you forever be under the watch of the All Father.
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 7:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't know him nearly as well as some of you, but he seemed to be a great guy to chat with in #magic-league, and my his soul find peace.
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PostPosted: Fri May 08, 2009 3:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chaosweaver wrote:
Anyways, what he said was. "We as people are human beings. In our current life we are human, our bodies being material..We feel, we experience, we live. When we die, that is when we are then the being. A spiritual entity to live again in another life, to fully continue out our path in the divine story."

I'm not sure what you believe BrentMellow, but I hope you begin to feel that it's not over quite yet.
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