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The Asylum Rant - Rant 1 - 5 things I noticed...

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Joined: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 5676
Location: Indiana, U

PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:02 pm    Post subject: The Asylum Rant - Rant 1 - 5 things I noticed... Reply with quote

ok so for those of you new, my name is Craze and I have no life. back in early 05 I started doing a ml forum article I named "The Asylum Rant." Basically its a rant on anything and everything ml/irl that grabs my notice.
I have standards for these things too, so I start every rant off with a list of Rules.

Rules of the Asylum
Rule 1. There are no real point to these
Before you yell troll, realize that I'm actually writing something that can be discussed, thus its not spam. BUT if you are to ask me why you should read this, I have no answer.

Rule 2. Nothing I say or do has any direct or indirect relation to this or any other magic league

Rule 3. These are my opinions, not yours.
Feel free to tell me yours.

now on to my rant...

Introduction: I have road rage
If you have ever remotely talked to me or read anything I have ever said this really shouldn't shock you at all. In truth I figure 7/10 people have road rage. But I have BAD road rage. I always knew I would have bad road rage. Thats one of the reasons I didn't get a driver's license till 18. So when I finally did, no surprise, I quickly felt the urge to shoot at all the cars around me.
Finally I broke and bought a carton of eggs at the store and proceeded to drive around all that day throwing them out my window. Don't believe me? I'm not requiring you too.

Isn't that like very illegal?
Ummm... Yeah, pretty much. But I have yet to get arrested for it. And ever since that day I keep a dozen eggs in a cooler in my passenger seat that I throw at people who fail at driving. I have had 3 people follow me to a parking lot to beat the shit out of me for throwing eggs at them. Heres a hint to people I have thrown eggs at: LEARN TO FUCKING DRIVE. Cause I only throw an egg if you absolutely fail at driving.

ok so now that you know about my egg thing, heres the central topic of my rant.

5 things that occurred to me while driving home from Indianapolis today.

1. Horrible driving becomes completely excusable when a cop is in the vicinity
So today while driving down I-465 South, which for those of you who aren't midwest America, is a three lane interstate that is covered in construction. I nearly misthrew an egg. Now I use that road to come home from Drill, and its about a 55 mile an hour speed limit through that part at least, but if your in the speed lane your reasonably doing 60-65. I was going 70, and the dude ahead of me probably 71 or 72. And we pass a sign that says:
"45 up ahead"
So alright, time to slow to 60. But before I could even move my foot to my brake, the dude ahead of me drops to like 30 in what had to be 5 seconds, cause I about rammed his ass. I apparently have really good breaks despite my awful car.
And so after shitting myself and swearing more then a Redneck who's favorite Nascar driver crashed (cause ya know he forgot to turn left). We pass the cop car who was pulling over someone. And I'm like "oh ok"
Because you'd hit your breaks to if you were going that fast and saw a cop car.

2. If you can't turn on your turn signal when turning lanes you must be either blind or not licensed to drive.

Ok so thats a turn signal lever. You use it to tell me which way and
when your going to be turning.
Yeah ok when your driving and theres a 10 mile gap between you a the cars in front of and behind you, its not really a big deal to hit the turn signal when you switch lanes. But when its 4 pm and everyone just got off work, and you just have to fucking turn into the right lane, I'd appreciate it if you hit the switch rather then hit my fucking car.
If you would of asked me my biggest pet peeve 3 years ago I would of said someone answering a question aimed at me. I have found something even more annoying.

3. The qualifications of a Drive Thru worker at Mcdonalds are fucking ridiculously nonexistent.
Heres an age old argument where you get someone saying that its harder then it looks dealing with the customers and the other employees and blahblahblahblah.
Today after I got off I drove into Mcdonalds Drive Thru and ordered a large coke. 30 minutes later I drove out of the drive thru with a large sprite. Of course I didn't take a drink till I got to the interstate where its too late to drive back and unload my carton of eggs at the Drive Thru window.
But seriously, I ordered a large coke, thats all. Is that too hard? I sit at the pickup window, and obviously there really busy, so 5 minutes in, the 40 year old man asks "What did you order, sir?" And I'm pitying him for not being able to get a real job at that age, so I'm being nice and politely tell him a large coke. And he walks back PAST THE FUCKING SODA MACHINE into the back. As if he needed to discuss this with his co-workers.
So now 15 minutes in and some fugly looking chick who obviously is living proof McDonald's doesn't require you to know English, asks me what I ordered again. And I'm fucking thirsty and just paid a $1.09 for a large coke, so despite my better instincts I repeat my order calmly and proceed to sit in my fucking car for another 15 minutes before finally she comprehends basic English and gives me a large drink. Now someone smart would take a drink while you were still in the drive thru. But there are now like a dozen angry drivers behind me, so I just take off.
God, I hate McDonalds.

4. Radio advertisers over the years have completely lost touch with reality.
In high school while knowing I wanted to eventually write for a living, I considered a lot of different potential careers. One of them being Advertising. And ya know, I took a class, and understand why they do it, but I still can't stand someone who uses the corniest commercial plot they can think of.
Today on the radio I heard everything from someone who abandoned a bunch of girls jumping up and down in skirts to eat buffalo wings to a dozen business board meetings where the members pretty much advertise their rival companies to themselves and then proceed to buy/invest from them.
When did advertisers seem to forget the basics of the human brain. I mean, think about it, would any sane straight male choose buffalo wings over skimpy cheerleaders? And why would a group of workers even work at a business that doesn't bother even trying to talk up their product?

But Craze...their advertisements.
I don't know about you, but a retarded fake scenario doesn't appeal to me. I'm not gonna buy a product who is endorsed by an obviously fake stereotype whose in a completely fake scenario.
Its called realism, I mean seriously, heres 2 examples of home security commercials:
1. A stranger breaks in and the owner freaks out and picks up his/her phone only to get a hold of a support tech who immediately calls the police in and helps calm the caller.
2. Some quirky criminal breaks in and a some fake ass manly voice rushes to the rescue all while endorsing a type of alarm.
Be honest, which are you going to buy?
Me? number 1.

5) When looking away from the road for a even a second, you should roll down your window and stick your middle finger out
Its my new genius crash prevention method for picking up something I dropped, like my drink.
Think about it, if someone is flipping you off your going to look at them. Its just whats going to happen, even if it's for a little bit, your going to look at their car. So you'll notice if they suddenly swerve.
Moral? probably not...
Safe? Yep.
Of course this is coming from the guy throwing eggs out his driver and passenger windows while driving.

Until next time,
I'm Craze and use your fucking turn signals.

Edit - fixed some sentences that didn't make sense. Its much easier to think about that shit when your not pissed off...

Last edited by Craze on Fri Sep 19, 2008 6:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 883

PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

are we long lost brothers?

i hate the same things
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Joined: 26 Dec 2005
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just plain don't like the dutch.
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Joined: 12 Jul 2007
Posts: 412

PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol what the hell does the dutch have to do with driving and using your turn signal? lmao

I hear ya..and about flipping someone off. I totally agree...maybe not right and will probably piss some people off..but it sure as hell better make them see you...I know I would
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Joined: 28 Aug 2004
Posts: 799

PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lmao. Its funny because I completely agree.

As for the flipping the bird to get attention- This may work, but if I am driving up beside you and you flip me the bird I would probrably hit you in spite of it.

my road rage > me
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Joined: 26 Dec 2005
Posts: 228

PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Joined: 26 Apr 2008
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 5:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fits well with the international driver document Ad
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Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 2525
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yes yes yes... and yes about the turn signal. It pisses me off to no end when people don't use them.
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Joined: 07 Nov 2004
Posts: 32

PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 6:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Nascar joke wasn't funny at all. It's really redundant notwithstanding the fact it wasn't funny the first time someone said it.
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Joined: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 5676
Location: Indiana, U

PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 1:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Brodie wrote:
The Nascar joke wasn't funny at all. It's really redundant notwithstanding the fact it wasn't funny the first time someone said it.

that comment wasn't clever either, but you made it soo... go figure

You forgot to mention the drivers that pass you, then pull back in front of you and slow down. Then, when you try to pass them, they speed up 10mph. That is my #1 driving frustration because then you are the prick in the fast lane that isn't driving faster than the slow lane.

Yeah that pisses me off too...
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