Something "Non-Magic"

Behemoth · Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 6

re4 for the ps2 is infinitely better than the gc version. so much exclusive content.

Strovil · Joined: 11 Mar 2005 Posts: 575

Speaking of Chuck Norris, I literally just received this email from my brother in Afghanistan.

> -Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
>
> -Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
> broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
> while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
>
> -Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
>
> -Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
> unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
> finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
> soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
> admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
> Wednesday of the month.
>
> -Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
> could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE
> YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
> Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't
> f*ck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony
> of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile
> radius of the blast went deaf.
>
> -When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
> cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
> requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
> his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
>
> -Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
> JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
> beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
>
> -Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
> beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
>
> -Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
> "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
> jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
> to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
> roundhouse kick related deaths.
>
> -Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
>
> -To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
> smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different
> kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30
> minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
>
> -The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
> Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
> starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
> drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
> much
> awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
>
> -Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
> yelling, "Bang!"
>
> -A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
> Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
>
> -Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
>
> -The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
>
> -Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
> saying "booya".
>
> -Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
> trademarked names for his left and right legs.
>
> -If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
> Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
>
> -After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
> Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
> reasoning? It was more "humane."
>
> -Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse
> every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their
> floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
>
> -Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has
> missed two.
>
> -When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
> said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came
> back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he
> threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
> cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
>
> roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
>
> -Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if
> your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been
> known to last for up to 15 days.
>
> -Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips
> from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips
> of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
>
> -Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
> first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
>
> -Chuck Norris was working out in the gym with one of his
> daughter-in-laws. In an attempt to impress Norris, she started to train
> really hard.
> When she asked Chuck if he was impressed, he replied with "Weights
> don't hit back" and broke her neck with a roundhouse.
>
> -Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.