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Asylum Rant - Rant 11 - ...You might fail at life Part 2



 
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Craze



Joined: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 5676
Location: Indiana, U

PostPosted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 10:20 pm    Post subject: Asylum Rant - Rant 11 - ...You might fail at life Part 2 Reply with quote

Rules of the Asylum
Rule 1. There are no real point to these
Before you yell troll, realize that I'm actually writing something that can be discussed, thus its not spam. BUT if you are to ask me why you should read this, I have no answer.

Rule 2. Nothing I say or do has any direct or indirect approval by this or any other magic league

Rule 3. These are my opinions, not yours.
Feel free to tell me yours.

Now on to the rant...

My second rant was written with the idea of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck" skit. I had unfortunately been forced to listen to it when it hit me to do a "You fail at life" version.
Sadly after a few months of real life(job, girl, friends) I have a second part to it.
To be honest I'd almost rather not having anything to write about.

So once again...

If anything on this list applies to you, you might fail at life.

If you have gotten your ass kicked by a 4 year old you fail at life....and are wuss.

Funniest. Thing. EVER.

If have been fired for offering to massage an 80 year old female coworkers FEET...you might fail at life, and your fucking gross.

Guy that had his interview right after mine got fired 3 weeks later for this. Saying "sexual harassment" with this in mind makes me wanna gag. *shivers*

If you have seriously called yourself, consider yourself as, or have been called a "gangsta" you fail your life.

So do your parents, your friends, and just about everyone who has ever met you for not killing you.

If you have accidentally swallowed your best friend's cum off his girlfriend's fingertips you should consider ending your life.[/b]

I swear I don't make this shit up. He thought it was spit, so he swallowed it. Whats sadder, that he was willing to swallow her spit or that he told a channel full of people about the experience?

If you have attempted to kill yourself, you fail at life obv.

And death too...

If you name your child "Adolf Hitler" you should be shot, because you fail at life.

If you don't believe in Evolution, you shouldn't be running for a political office...or breeding.

If you voted for someone who doesn't believe in Evolution, you fail at life.

If you have gotten arrested for telling a cop a "your mom" joke, you fail at life.

[i]Cop: Sir, you were going to fast.
Guy: Thats what your mom told me last night.
Me: *slams head against window*


If your girlfriend refers to you as a "2 pump chump" you probably fail at life.

And now I refer to him as that too.

and Finally...

If your company has tried to C&D a free online mtg league for using the word "magic"...

Until next time, I'm Craze, and I'm going to bed.

-TomW
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Avata



Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 407

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 2:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You forgot some.....

"If you feel that your sexual fetishes are normal but everyone elses are messed up...."

"If you think it's a good idea to make fun of someone's dialect just because it's not yours...."

"If you actually think being in a sexually awkward situation is cause for suicide..."

"If you think it's a great idea to vote for someone based on single issues..."

"If you think it's ridiculous for companies to try and protect their intellectual property...."

Finally, the one you definitely, definitely missed:

"If you have ever thought it was a good idea to write something in the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy...."
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alsorhombus



Joined: 26 Oct 2008
Posts: 58

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 5:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You might fail at life if you are the author of the Asylum Rant.

(it sucks)
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OldBear



Joined: 12 Apr 2005
Posts: 1840

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 7:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Frankly the choice between sex with a fat girl and suicide is an easy one to make.
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leonin5



Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Trotsky1 wrote:
Frankly the choice between sex with a fat girl and suicide is an easy one to make.


Speak for yourself please.
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R3wind



Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Posts: 1386

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you have been a manager of three differant coffee shops and you forget to use a coffee filter when you make your own, you fail at life and coffee.

Just happened to me.
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coolcreep



Joined: 18 Feb 2006
Posts: 588

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 11:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you thought you had a great joke but then realized that alsorhombus already used it, you fail at life.
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OldBear



Joined: 12 Apr 2005
Posts: 1840

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This one sums up what is wrong with this thread, if you can not respect other peoples point of view you fail at life.

Also how is it phyically possible to get beat up a 4 year old, they do not even have the necessarcy muscles develped to inflict damage. You could just sit there and laugh as they attempted to beat you up and go I can see this plan is as well thought through as most things in your life.


Last edited by OldBear on Wed Apr 29, 2009 4:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Zapgaze
Level 1 Judge


Joined: 20 Aug 2008
Posts: 72

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 4:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I actually enjoy Tom's rants:P

This rant actually reminded me of a Bill Maher, who's "New Rules" are done in the same fashion (I am a big fan of Maher)

Anyways, yeah, I enjoyed it:P
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KevinJonas



Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 75

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

craze is a dumb assrat
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