Written by Buffalo_Wing on October 31, 2006
Champs: the Man and the Myth *2nd*
by Buffalo_WingMy tale begins with a hung over Buffalo falling out of bed at seven in the morning while swiping at the alarm clock (party at my girlfriend's house last night. The best part was after the party, when it was just me and her there for just two hours. Let's just say I was extra-tired this morning). After the obligatory shower (people who smell bad give people like me a bad name) and a quick bagel or two, I jumped on the road and got to the Fair and Expo center within fifteen minutes. There are many benefits of not having "magic friends or "friends in general," and not having people bum rides off of you is a significant one. I got there in plenty of time both to register and scout out the area and even had time to offer a few of the younger competitors some choice tips and a Butterfinger bar in my trunk.
Before I get to the description of the competition, I feel I need a perfunctory deck analysis. My weapon of choice for the day was a little baby I like to call "Avenged Eightfold" as a little tribute to my favorite band (yes, I'm into the more hardcore stuff).
| Avenged Eightfold | ||
|---|---|---|
| Main Deck | Sideboard | |
|
2 Sunhome Enforcer 4 Surging Sentinels 4 Mouth of Ronom 4 Battlefield Forge 4 Sacred Foundry 4 Scrying Sheets 4 Desert 4 Galvanic Arc 1 Worship 2 Gaze of Justice 4 Field Marshal 1 Conclave Equenaut |
2 Foriysian Interceptor 2 Icatian Javelineers 4 Ordruun Commando 2 Jedit's Dragoons 1 Jotun Grunt 3 Loxodon Gatekeeper 1 Oathsworn Giant 1 Oracle's Attendants 3 Mobilization 4 Squire 4 Veteran Armorer 2 Aven Cloudchaser |
4 Brushland 4 Temple Garden 3 Loxodon Hierarch 2 Vitu-Ghazi, the City-Tree 2 Glare of Subdual |
Now there may appear to be some unorthodox choices in there, but before you dismiss me offhandedly, h
ave some courtesy, some sympathy and some taste. States is widely considered to have a hugely open field, filled with every variety of deck. Even though two-thirds of games are played sideboarded, I wanted maindeck answers to a lot of things that I might see so as not to be forced to win to sideboarded games in a row. Jedit's Dragoons is an answer to Dragonstorm because their Bogardan Hellkites now won't kill you. Cloudchaser has been stellar, taking care of Sacred Mesa, Faith's Fetters, and Ivory Mask while leaving you a warm body. I don't know about you, but to me that seems Quite Good (TM). Worship can handle a ground-based assault like not much else can, Jotun Grunt serves to hose LftL and dredge-based decks can, and Foriysian Interceptor takes care of both Soltari Priest and his darker counterpart, Dauthi Slayer. I know Suicide Black isn't played very much right now, but believe me, it's amazing, and everyone will figure that out too once they log the number of test games I have. Squire is just to make sure you're paying attention. Enough about the deck, let's talk about what went down on that fateful day. Round One:
I get paired up against Boros round one. This matchup is highly draw-dependent and can hinge on whether they sideboard into four Conclave Phalanx like my testing group does. Without the Phalanxes, the matchup is favorable for Avenged Eightfold, but if they play them like they should, the match is an uphill struggle. Game one I opened up with a fast start of Javelineer, Armorer, Field Marshal. Though he was able to burn out the Marshall, the bonus granted by Armorer really messed with his burn and combat math and he eventually succumbed. Game two he opened on the play with Magus, Knight of the Holy Nimbus, Paladin, Volcanic Hammer, and Rift Bolt. As if I'm going to beat that. Game three I opened with Javelineers and Field Marshal, not the strongest draw. However, he kept 6 lands and one burn spell and was flooded the entire game, and eventually I overwhelmed him with Mobilization tokens.
(1-0, 2-1)
Round Two:
How unlucky am I? Out of 743 people, I play against my best friend and soul mate James round two. He decided to bring UW control, switching from Shrines at the last second. His version is running some nasty modifications like Jedit's Dragoons main that most decks simply can't deal with. However, I proved too much for him, just like in testing. I opened turn one Javelineers, turn three Field Marshals both games and, without a third mana, he couldn’t handle them.
(2-0, 4-1)
Round Three:
vs. No-show. He struggled valiantly, but in the end I was too strong, hard, and large for him.
(3-0, 6-1)
Round Four:
Uh-oh. I get paired up against the nightmare matchup: Dragonstorm. Game one I keep a solid hand and get decimated by turn one Bloom into turn four Hellkites. Game two was even worse. On turn two, he goes Rite, Rite, Song, Song, Chromatic Sphere, Wheel of Fortune, Rite, Dark Ritual, Demonic Tutor, Yawgmoth's Will , and Hunting Packs me out.
So after the strong start, I was a little unhappy with that loss. However, I harnessed my uncommon mental energies to focus and concentrate myself. I'm a top PT-level player when fully concentrated; it's just been hard to find time to concentrate lately. I managed to get myself fully focused for the rest of the tournament, though, which would play a crucial role.
(3-1, 6-3)
Round Five:
I am shuffling, bracing myself for the odious stench to come when my opponent arrives at the table, but when I smell perfume, I'm surprised when I look up and see a young, nubile nymph sitting across from me. I immediately leaned over and smelled her hair to be able to take in the odor and keep the memory in my head forever. She had ruby-red lipstick on and was wearing a tank top that perfectly accentuated her fledgling breasts. Her eyes were a book to her soul: one could read all one desired about her in those pure green radiant emeralds. There was a vitality about her, an earthiness, something thrilling, reminiscent of the musty grass and wet earth of those pre-sunset early mornings of yore when one could walk alone and feel as though they were truly in solitude and peace.
(4-1, 8-4)
Round Six:
I'm matched up against UW control again. However, this time he gets the god draw game one. He Condemns my turn one Javelineers, counters my two-drop, and wraths away the dual Field Marshals I play out. When Mobilization is countered, I know it's all but over with, and sure enough, Akroma comes down and finishes it. Fortunately, while throwing his water bottle at the trash can, he hits a judge and gets disqualified.
I ID Round Seven after some statistical analysis and integration with a final record of 5-1-1. 10-4. I am in the top 8 as the 7th seed. The top 8 was very interesting, as it was me, five Dragonstorm decks, Solar Pox, and one Tribal Fungus deck.
Quarterfinals Match:
My top 8 match is facing none other than Dave Fredstein, ranked third in the country in constructed. I know I'm a better player though and sit down for the match. Dave, like five others, brought Dragonstorm. I won the die roll and dropped Javelineers. On turn two I killed his mana Elves, a key part to this matchup, and dropped Armorer. When I dropped Marshal turn 3 and 4, Dave almost fell out of his chair. Yeah, the game ended quickly after that. Quite Good (TM). Game two, he never hit his third land and it was over quickly.
Semifinals Match:
I faced down none other than Jeremy Chatham with Solar Pox. Though that name may not sound familiar to you all now, it will in one year. I guarantee it. Jeremy plays first and lets my Javelineer pink in for one after Remanding my Veteran Armorer. Field Marshal resolves and him and Javelineer hit next turn; however, Thor makes short work of them. Jeremy ends up never drawing any non-land cards and I end up playing out a series of guys followed by Field Marshal that took it home. Game two Jeremy goes Flagstones, Smallpox, and that tempo boost was enough to carry him over the edge. Angel of Despair came back to life eventually and took it home. Game three, we are deck checked, and one of his cards had fallen to the floor. Technically he hadn't presented the deck, but the female judge was all over me and even asked me if I wanted to come over after the tournament, so a game loss was never in question.
Finals Match:
A guy I didn't know was playing GW Glare and simply sacked me out, drawing Calls in every game to defeat my Field Marshals both games. I'm still angry about this and will probably remain so for quite some time.
All in all, I was satisfied by my finish, although my crown still eludes me. I think my deck is a very competitive choice in the current meta, but if the meta becomes too prison-oriented, you might want to switch to something else.
Props:
-Judge
-Girlfriend
-Children
Slops:
-Finals opponent
-Call of the Herd
-Wrath of God (such a blue player's card; wasn’t R&D nuking blue?)
Editor's Note: being that we do not accept humor articles into the contest, this article is currently not eligible for prizes.
danprince10 on 2006-10-31 15:37 MDT LOL
by
danprince10 on 2006-10-31 15:37 MDT LOL
by
tato- on 2006-10-31 15:38 MDT Editor's Note: being that we do not accept humor articles into the contest, this article is currently not eligible for prizes.
LOLOLOLOL
by
Craze on 2006-10-31 15:38 MDT this was humorous? Gfo, your entertained rather easily...
Wait when did Mobilization become T2 legal?
by
Peter_Akeley on 2006-10-31 15:43 MDT How is Wrath of god blue... Blue thinks not kills. How were you playing mobilization in states wtf.
by
cjthedude on 2006-10-31 15:44 MDT Wow youve gotta have no life to write one of these
by
kebe on 2006-10-31 15:44 MDT is this a joke
on top of the deck being garb
mobilization isnt legal
the best part of the deck is the board
"My top 8 match is facing none other than Dave Fredstein, ranked third in the country in constructed. I know I'm a better player though and sit down for the match. Dave, like five others, brought Dragonstorm. I won the die roll and dropped Javelineers. On turn two I killed his mana Elves, a key part to this matchup, and dropped Armorer."
there is like 50 things wrong with that statement..............
by
Peter_Akeley on 2006-10-31 15:48 MDT and dragonstorm should kill you befor Jedit's Dragoons comes out turn 6, how dose a 2/5 take care of 40 damage in 2 turns, it would need a draw a wrath to kill the dragons once there on the bord but your not playing wraths for some reason. The idea of this deck getting 2nd is very funny to me I cant see it winning almost any match ups. How did the dragonstorm run Dark Ritual and Yawgmoth's Will?
by
PsyK on 2006-10-31 15:50 MDT i feel like my time has been wasted you bastard!
BAN!
by
Streakz on 2006-10-31 15:52 MDT I didn't know decks this good came out of Kentucky.
by
Peter_Akeley on 2006-10-31 16:03 MDT i feel bad for Jeremy Chatham seeing as hes the only person whos name we are given. just being named in this report makes him very dumb.
by
pG on 2006-10-31 16:05 MDT ....your a fucking idiot b-wing DIAF
by
Rotstejn on 2006-10-31 16:13 MDT Fortunately, while throwing his water bottle at the trash can, he hits a judge and gets disqualified.
omfg how funny :D
by
dboy1 on 2006-10-31 16:16 MDT lol...this is obv the ebst article in like...forever. it should def win cash.
by
tg on 2006-10-31 16:18 MDT looooool xD
by
monkeywrench on 2006-10-31 16:27 MDT so they intergrate limited and constructed champs where you are. Very interesting
by
Stucco on 2006-10-31 16:27 MDT Round 5 was pretty well written. I don't think I could come up with a joke that elegantly written... rofl!
by
Craze on 2006-10-31 16:34 MDT obv this is a joke article, and thats a joke deck. Calm down people.
by
Alpha_n1 on 2006-10-31 16:42 MDT LOL
ROFL this article pwns A LOT!!!!
nice job
not really a Tier1 deck, not even T2 deck!
by
Hugo_8 on 2006-10-31 17:13 MDT Pretty much better that any STC or BB.
Good Job =)
by
avataroflaw on 2006-10-31 17:18 MDT seriously, delete this crap. cant believe i wasted time reading this crap.
by
MTGFAN911 on 2006-10-31 17:47 MDT Okay, the article was kind of funny, kind of stupid, kind of waste of my time
however the best part was the people responding to the article. Seriously, IT WASNT A REAL TOURNAMENT REPORT.
Seriously your head examined. If you had actually paid any attention to the article you would have realized it was a joke.
BTW:Rats Battle of Wits article was much funnier and better read than this one. Nice try though.
by
ShadowS on 2006-10-31 17:56 MDT Man, BW, if you were ugly you wouldn't even have placed t8. Keep riding those keen good looks!
by
DRINKALCOHOL on 2006-10-31 18:20 MDT Wow.
by
Concepcion on 2006-10-31 18:42 MDT That was incredibly unfunny.
by
Ith- on 2006-10-31 18:52 MDT Round Five:
I am shuffling, bracing myself for the odious stench to come when my opponent arrives at the table, but when I smell perfume, I'm surprised when I look up and see a young, nubile nymph sitting across from me. I immediately leaned over and smelled her hair to be able to take in the odor and keep the memory in my head forever. She had ruby-red lipstick on and was wearing a tank top that perfectly accentuated her fledgling breasts. Her eyes were a book to her soul: one could read all one desired about her in those pure green radiant emeralds. There was a vitality about her, an earthiness, something thrilling, reminiscent of the musty grass and wet earth of those pre-sunset early mornings of yore when one could walk alone and feel as though they were truly in solitude and peace.
(4-1, 8-4)
Good report. Your strategy was stellar.
by
BigShow on 2006-10-31 19:12 MDT why you havent just called it r/w ten hut! i'll never know
by
DESTRUCTOR on 2006-10-31 19:53 MDT wow what a waste of time....Lol
by
dv8r on 2006-10-31 20:19 MDT this wasn't even that funny... sorry BW, SarcasticRat pwns you...
by
_Circa_ on 2006-10-31 20:20 MDT Buffalo_Wing is my lover.
Fareal.
by
SarcasticRat on 2006-10-31 20:49 MDT Uhh..seriously Buff, what the hell is this crap. First of all your deck is terrible, and I can't believe anyone would even bring it to states, much less get second. And, as kebe astutely pointed out, Mobilization isn't even Type 2 legal. I just have a hard time believing you got 2nd in states with a deck that isn't even Type 2 legal. Also, your list has too many random one ofs. I don't know, it just seems like a Soldiers deck with that many one ofs wouldn't be that good. I really would like some confirmation on this article, as I believe its contents may be fabricated.
by
loran16 on 2006-10-31 20:50 MDT <3 you rat.
by
sui_slush on 2006-10-31 21:34 MDT I can vouch for the authenticity of the report. I was Buff's Round 5 opponent.
by
DrB on 2006-10-31 21:36 MDT I knew it was a joke from the time he made a reference to Avenged Sevenfold.
by
Void06 on 2006-10-31 21:45 MDT bwing I love you and you are a god amoung men
by
Noremac on 2006-10-31 22:12 MDT Those whom are idiots and believe this is true please go shoot yourself.....So gullible...
by
RemiX on 2006-10-31 22:20 MDT ya this is a joke article.. soon as i saw it i was getting pissed cause i knew this deck didnt top 8 at ky states.. rofl
by
VacancyMan on 2006-10-31 22:34 MDT [19:33:15] <Buffalo_Wing> make sure to leavea comment letting everyone know that i'm a god among men
B_Wing you're a God among men.
by
Buffalo_Wing on 2006-10-31 22:34 MDT "joke"????
excuse me?!?!?!
by
WiCkEdWiZaRd on 2006-10-31 22:34 MDT bwing is a god living among mere mortals as shown in the article.
by
Roar on 2006-10-31 23:50 MDT did you place 2nd anyway or is the whole story just made up? =/ it's not even funny...
by
_bouncyer_ on 2006-11-01 01:36 MDT i actually think this may be the funniest thing i've read in years, on a side note its so FUKN HILARIOUS that everyone bashes feinstein everywhere lol
by
Meatwarz on 2006-11-01 02:09 MDT At least it was fun ;););)
by
RiQuS|P- on 2006-11-01 03:09 MDT luv' u buff :D
by
Jacois on 2006-11-01 03:16 MDT Props to a great article. I read halfway through thinking he meant Sacred Mesa, not Mobilization. I even checked the link on Mobilization to see if it was in 9th! LOL
Great article. Give me your address, and I'll send you 5 bucks. You definately deserve some cash for this!
P.S. I love the Scrying Sheets when the only snow cards are Scrying Sheets and Mouth of Ronom. It's THAT good!
by
TaZi on 2006-11-01 03:31 MDT great article I had a lot of fun with it =)
by
Bejeezus on 2006-11-01 05:17 MDT ...An OK article.
I still do believe this could have top 8'ed Kentucky Champs...
by
Acid_Christ on 2006-11-01 05:55 MDT "Avenged Eightfold" as a little tribute to my favorite band (yes, I'm into the more hardcore stuff).
I really hope you have listened to Avenged Sevenfold like 5+ years ago, because this new sh!t they have out is whiney-core crap.
by
facelessman on 2006-11-01 09:20 MDT whats this??? is this a joke???
by
KaleGozer on 2006-11-01 12:15 MDT I wish I could make love with Buffalo_Wing.
by
WasD on 2006-11-01 12:46 MDT lol nice one buffalo!
by
RonTrauma on 2006-11-01 13:13 MDT Avenged Sevenfold 5 years ago was crap too. Listen to real music.
by
SarcasticRat on 2006-11-01 13:54 MDT I really don't see what's so funny about Buffalo_Wing wasting valuable site bandwith with this poor excuse for an article, that probably isn't true. I, for one, find it absolutely abhorent, and wish that the magic-league editor could put some thought into what he puts on the valuable front page. Let's just stick to the competitive decks discussion please, it's better for all of us.
by
Buffalo_Wing on 2006-11-01 15:18 MDT rat, you spelled abhorrent wrong
by
SarcasticRat on 2006-11-01 15:36 MDT Whatever.
by
P_P4E on 2006-11-01 17:37 MDT This is the worst article to ever be printed, And im including NON-magic ones too... Like Dewey wins Election Bad.... Mobilization isnt legal (Mesa is.......) Your deck cannot win a match of magic against anything... and i want you to kill yourself
by
TheAshGame on 2006-11-01 19:47 MDT hey the article was somewhat funny, more then I can say about some other 'funny' articles on this site, like that piece of trash 300 card zoo deck. That article was the biggest waste of time in my life, and the sad thing is that lame author thought it was actually funny, when it just fails in comparison to the masterpiece made by the great B_Wing.
by
center425 on 2006-11-01 20:01 MDT nice
by
P_P4E on 2006-11-01 20:13 MDT correction, this article is amazing and i think it should be up for a pulitzer.....
........
...............
..........................
by
Buffalo_Wing on 2006-11-01 20:45 MDT i agree.
by
DragonMago on 2006-11-01 23:14 MDT As I was about to analyze the possibilities of Field Marshall in constructed, the whole craziness of the article started to creep in, by the time I saw the mobilization and the squire, I knew I was in for a treat and kept reading.
Thank you Buff, for reminding me at least that if this game would always be about metagaming jocks, netdeckers and pure card advantage, it would suck like a vacuum cleaner.
Bless you man
by
Thalai on 2006-11-02 01:44 MDT Buffalo beef, probably the best article I've ever seen in this site.
Good job. Seriusly. Really. I mean GOOD. I like it. HA!
BEEF.
Editor's Note: being that we do not accept humor articles into the contest, this article is currently not eligible for prizes.
I think it should be eligible for the prizes, btw.
by
Buffalo_Wing on 2006-11-02 03:19 MDT i agree, however, STEAK STEAK STEAK
by
Thalai on 2006-11-02 03:20 MDT BEEF BEEF BEEF
by
Buffalo_Wing on 2006-11-02 03:28 MDT lies!!
by
Ninja87 on 2006-11-02 06:27 MDT this is utter bullshit... and what's up with round 5... can't believe magic-league allow such articals up...
by
Eldariel on 2006-11-02 07:45 MDT Why not just play 36 Surging Sentinels and 24 Plains? Much more broken and just as legal.
by
Klos on 2006-11-02 11:07 MDT I want to have my first time with bwing
wtf O.o
by
Splattt on 2006-11-02 16:45 MDT the round 5 report was great lol
by
wierdmtg13 on 2006-11-02 17:27 MDT who's your girlfriend - Akroma? or Skeletal Vampire?
by
P_P4E on 2006-11-02 20:12 MDT why is this funny? some1 tell me and ill shut up
by
indie on 2006-11-03 07:13 MDT not sure about this one, most versions of the deck splash blue for zephyr spirit, I'm quite sure this would solve your problems in finals
by
Shivan1 on 2006-11-03 14:24 MDT Are you people fucking ill? This report is full of so much sublte AND obvious humor, come on...
Very funny article, I especially like the Yawgmoth's will into a hunting pack... lol.
by
Zellse on 2006-11-04 22:42 MDT Interceptor can't block Soltari Priest or Dauthi Slayer because it doesn't have shadow you moron
by
Atatator on 2006-11-05 02:48 MDT Buffalo +1 !!!
by
MaksymG on 2006-11-05 14:00 MDT lol lmao lmfao rofl roflol rotflol rotflmao rotflmaool dude that was the greatest champs report ive ever read
by
h0m3r on 2006-11-06 10:55 MDT i don't see how its funny. satirical articles that veer between subtlety and stupidity don't work. fact.
by
Buffalo_Wing on 2006-11-06 17:04 MDT i don't see how combining subtle satire and overt humor is factually ineffective.
by
Nantuko on 2006-11-06 18:20 MDT "She had ruby-red lipstick on and was wearing a tank top that perfectly accentuated her fledgling breasts."
aka she was 12.
you're the man.
by
MadMageQc on 2006-11-09 15:07 MDT While this wasn't the best piece of sarcastical humor I ever read, it still was cool. However, the forum posts are even funnier, between the guys who thought this was serious and the ones who added even more sarcastical humor.
